Patty and Bun - James Street

54 James St, London, W1U 1EU

Many people wrongly believe that burgers are eaten by slovenly Meat Loaf look-a-likes, who delight in nothing more than pushing 6 ounces of beef and bread through their teeth while trying not to choke on their own saliva. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, it's those healthier-than-thou types - lacking as they do any experience in proper burger consumption - who dribble meat juice down their slim chin and minute wrists, pausing to mop the table, floor, and their laps with ream-after-ream of paper napkins. The well-practiced among us are deft at handling a burger, skilled in the art of dribbling only on the plate, elbows apart - knees as well, if no table - with only one napkin soiled. 

Patty and Bun - located just off Oxford Street, near Bond Street station - serve a burger which requires a high level of control. Not only is the plate absent, increasing the risk of post-spill run-off, but the moisture of the meat combined with several other wet ingredients creates a 'perfect storm' for the amateur. Elbows here should be set at 4 and 8. Don't mistake this for criticism, however. The ingredients bound inside a Patty and Bun 'ARI GOLD' Cheeseburger are a near perfect taste-sensation, featuring amongst other things traditional sweet-sweet plastic cheese, pickled onions, and smokey mayo. The burger does require two hands to manoeuvre effectively; unfortunately, this means that a handful of rosemary salt covered chips between each bite has to be foregone, leaving them all for the end and my belt another hole down.

With burgers this good, it's hard to see why Patty and Bun only has the one venue - albeit slap-bang in the centre of London. I'd wager that we'll see them expand soon though, jostling for position in a sea of Byron's and Honest Burgers - and I'd wager that they'll float fairly well.