LS6 - Headingley, Leeds

16A Headingley Lane, Leeds, LS6 2AS

Failing to conform to gender stereotypes when ordering food often gets more than just a raised eyebrow. It would seem that it's just not socially-acceptable for a man to order a goat's cheese tart at the pub if a burger is also on the menu. For society, a man's choice of food is a statement of his masculinity - the modern day equivalent of beating your chest, baring your fangs, flinging excrement at your challenger, before gauging his eyes out, cracking his skull open and feasting on the sweet goo inside.

Well, call me a sissy, but I'm as happy ordering a cranberry juice and veggie burger at Byron as I am ordering the Boss Hog at Bodean's.

And so it was at LS6 - a boho cafe in the centre of the student village of Headingley in Leeds - that my eyes skipped past the burger option to the Clock Cafe salad. Named after the clocks adorning the wall (they're simple folks in the north), the salad was beetroot, pear, walnut, and goat's cheese. A really delicious salad, served in pleasantly 'cool' surroundings, probably helped by the time of year - the only evidence of the unwashed student population being two identical blondes sharing tales of past 'gap yahs'. Strangely, tap water at LS6 comes with a slice of cucumber floating in it, leaving a musty taste not dissimilar to the smell of a rotten cabbage. Weird.

Of course, as I was eating a salad I needed a side of hummus and pitta to keep my calorie levels up...and a pint of some local ale to maintain my masculinity. Now, where's that recipe for pea soup...

Red Dog Saloon - Hoxton Square, London

37 Hoxton Square, London, N1 6NN

London is a home-from-home for any rib chewing, pulled pork eating, spicy bean munching American. This unhealthily-delicious cuisine is now offered by pubs, street vendors a-plenty, and even the high street sandwich chains. The full 'US of A' experience, complete with buffalo skull, Budweiser, and bourbon, can be found at one of the four Bodean's venues - one of which is a mere fifteen minutes walk from home, luckily for me. Of course, with rising popularity comes a host of competitors keen to jump on the wagon train. Enter Red Dog Saloon.

Not being a fan of a monopoly - even one as delicious as Bodean's - I'm always willing to sample the wares of a newcomer...even if it does mean a tube trip to the opposite side of town. Red Dog Saloon can be found in Hoxton Square, a short throw from Shoreditch, which guarantees a crowd queuing at the door even on a Monday. We'd booked, so no waiting around for us. Until we ordered our food. Starters shouldn't be necessary when so much meat is on offer, but if the waiting time for your main course is creeping over thirty minutes the staff should warn you that an appetiser is a must. It did give us time to get mildly sozzled on a pitcher of 'Beverly Hills Iced Tea', which may have been the inspiration for the post-dinner tequila - something Red Dog has a nice long list of.

But when it comes to the crunch, be it Red Dog, Bodean's, or a.n.other BBQ house, ultimately no amount of decor, skulls, novel booze, or beer is going to make up for poor food. And unfortunately, the tasteless ribs even when smothered further in an equally tasteless sauce were a huge disappointment. BBQ is about punch of flavour. A faint-to-strong burn in the mouth of spice that has been stewing for hours (or days) combined with a sweet tang so common in all American food that you're willing to forgo pudding. There was nothing here, no spice, no sweet, just a sticky sauce that you were happy to wipe, rather than lick, from your fingers.

I'm sure somewhere in London there is an equal to Bodean's, but it's not to be found in Hoxton Square.

Bodean's - Clapham, London

After three failed attempts to get in to Bodean's in Soho, showing up mid-afternoon to their Clapham branch on a Saturday during the Six Nations gave us a direct pass to a table for two. Granted, the rugby was showing here, but who in their right mind was going to be distracted from their plate in this place?

A £15 match day special featured a foot of ribs, the tenderest chicken wings, fries, coleslaw, and a beer. A plate of extreme-value-deliciousness unsurpassed by anything I've eaten in the past 6-months - and I'll include Christmas dinner in that.

Throw in the fact that everything fits neatly on a single oval plate - not a metal bucket of chips in sight - and they provide as much kitchen towel as you can eat, and this is heaven.

I may be a late comer to this place, but I can see a bright future of BBQ sauce encrusted fingernails to come.

Copita - London

As is often the case, the choice on a Saturday night in Soho is dictated by what's available rather than what you fancy...restaurants that is.

Having previously tried on three separate occasions to pass through the entrance of Bodean's, this time I gave up on approach. The streets surrounding that honey-trap for pork lovers should surely be filled with many more options for those disenchanted by the queue or whose bellies have taken control. Instead, you find the always deserted Yo!Sushi and - due to it's almost night-black exterior - walk past Copita.

Perhaps due to the inscription of chalk promising pork, or perhaps the clearly vacant table, we found ourselves perched upon swaying barstools, casting eyes over an interesting yet short menu. As someone was busy slicing from a leg at the bar it seemed churlish not to order the pork sharing platter. At £30 this did seem cheap for three hungry people, but with no 'up-sell' from the waiter we thought it a good choice with only a single side of bread. How wrong we were. About a 1:2 ratio of meat to vegetable does not a pork platter make  Yes, we could share it. Yes, it was delicious  However, even gnawing the bones and chewing the last mouthfuls of fat, we needed more to compensate. Delicious beef and tempura fish duly arrived, along with a butternut squash dish which was a much softer texture than I expected. It's no pig though, and I was disappointed that seconds were required even after my chivalrous attempt to share.

Chivalrous and pork platter are not words which often go together.

We drank Mahou (4.8%).