Mother Mash - Ganton Street

26 Ganton St, London, W1F 7QZ

I don't know when it happened, but it did. No more the giddy schoolboy from 6-months ago, relishing the trip to central London, neck craned toward the sky, tie wrapped around my head, sliding on knees across the highly polished floor of Trafalgar Square. Now, the west of Zone 1 only exists below ground. A place where tube lines connect and 'Way Out' signs are presumably someone's idea of a joke. The nuclear apocalypse realised, albeit one that only did surface damage.

Apparently, life does exist above ground, but it's an odd existence. Hundreds of feet drag themselves along Oxford Street, trying to buy their own reflection, before slumping into a red booth at one of the neon-light straddled steak houses. Best to stick to the back streets - they're far safer. Here you'll find such delights as Patty and Bun, MeatLiquor, Bodean's, and, presumably wedged between another palace of burgers and another meat emporium, Mother Mash. I'm a busy man, so I didn't have time to look.

Mother Mash, as the name suggests, specialises in mash served with sausages, pies, and gravy. Presumable a former alleyway or Dickensian hovel, the booths, benches, white tiles, and skylights give a smart finish to the decor, something many wouldn't associated with such standard fare, but it's about time pie 'n' mash was recognised for the trendy gastro-treat it is. Service was quick and as the menu was quite short - a definite plus - it matched my decision. Colcannon mash, steak pie, and traditional gravy. The mash was a winner, the gravy as described, although I knew when I ordered that I should have had the farmer's gravy. Farmers are never wrong. Bacon, wine, onions, and mushrooms, flavourful and one of your five-a-day.

Now for the pie. As the name suggests, Mother Mash focuses on mash, so perhaps here we have our excuse, but regardless I was still disappointed with the pie. Great pastry. Flaky, crisp with no burnt bits, and not overly salty. The meat, though, was dry. Dry, dry, dry. Even with the abundance of gravy, this still required most of my London Pride (4.7%) to finish off. Such a shame.

"The turkey's a little dry!
Oh, foe, what demon from the depths of hell created thee!"

- Homer, The Simpsons Halloween Special 2

I still hadn't quite had my fill of pies for the evening though. I was willing to give Mother Mash a second chance, enter the apple and blackberry pie. A sad looking thing, a sunken pie drowned beneath a small pond of custard. Underneath the collapsed roof, four or five blackberries sat alone: the apple had clearly left the building, as had the flavour. On a blind taste-test I defy anyone to tell me that this pie had ever been introduced to, let alone contained, fruit.

As scathing as my review may be, Mother Mash is worth a visit, saved by the beauty of pies - the fact that, aside from the common factor of being incased in pastry, different pies are hugely different. While one can be a failure, another can be a success. With a 6.4 on the Pierate scale perhaps the steak and ale needs sampling next time...

The Weekly

Various

Each week I find myself in various pubs, bars, and restaurants that for reasons of time, company, or phone signal I can't flag or comment on. This is an attempt to give those places some recognition.

The Victoria - Jericho, Oxford - full review

My number one choice in Oxford. Everything thought through perfectly and staff brilliantly trained. Ales served in your choice of straight glass or tankard, lager served in an chilled glass. Large garden at the back and small sun-trap at the front. Whatever you do, buy a pie.

The Bear Inn  - Central Oxford - full review

A classic Oxford tourist trap - low ceilings, few seats, and eccentric collection of tie cuttings. A Fuller's pub, so guaranteed a nice pint of London Pride, but also serves ale from Shotover Brewery. The staff here can be quite slow, so on a Friday afternoon expect a long wait.

Chiang Mai - Central Oxford

An overrated thai restaurant which offers better than average food, but nothing you couldn't make yourself with a pot of Thai Taste. Definitely visit if you're touring the interesting architecture of Oxford - visit SoJo or Edamame if you want something Asian and far better.

Barburrito - Paddington Station, London - full review

I usually arrive in to Paddington at dinner time, so this has become a regular haunt. That said, it's not quite as good as The Mission or Benito's Hat. It offers some very strange additions to the usual burrito (mushrooms?) and seats are at a premium.

The Crown & Sceptre - Shepherds Bush, London

'Build it and they will come' is a quote frequently misattributed to Field of Dreams; it's also the antithesis to the theory of 'location, location, location', and completely apt when it comes to a pubs success.

In Shepherd's Bush - an area of West London the opposite side of the tracks to Kensington, Notting Hill, and Holland Park - the walk from Goldhawk Road tube station to The Crown & Sceptre on Goodwin Road not only takes ten minutes at a pace, but passes at least 8 other pubs.

Being tucked down a maze of suburban streets and being a mile from the tube are not ticks in the location box. Fuller's Ale and Thai food are nothing which couldn't be replicated elsewhere. However, it's the combination of friendly staff, reliable food, clean surroundings, and generally good atmosphere which make this pub worth passing so many other publicans' doors to get too.

The Bear Inn - Oxford

I once ordered a pint of Fuller's London Pride (4.1%) in a New York bar. When presented with some 50 different beers to choose from, and suffering from mild jet-lag, I stuck to what I knew.

Bland brand beer owes it's existence to this phenomenon. People stick to what they know in unfamiliar situations, but also to remove the danger of the unknown - the disappointment of a bad taste or the social stigma from ordering something different. On the same visit to New York, I avoided the Guinness in an Irish bar, only to be served a pint of Blue Moon (5.4%) complete with orange segment. Not the done thing.

When it comes to the post-work drink the same theory applies. There are pubs galore in Oxford: riverside pubs (The Head of the River), suburban pubs (The Victoria), small cosy pubs (The White Horse), and even a vegetarian pub (The Gardners Arm). Over a year's worth of Fridays I could visit every pub in Oxford. But I don't. For the sake of proximity, I choose The Bear Inn - every time.

It's a charming pub. One of Oxford's oldest, it sits aside the historic Christ Church College, just off the High Street. Adorned with cuts from old college ties (a form of payment many years ago, apparently) and featuring an extremely low ceilings, this place attracts the tourists during the day and the office workers in the evening. Consequently, a seat is rare, and when I recently stepped in to find Bill Clinton and his entourage in residence, they were even rarer. The beer on tap is limited to Fuller's, plus one seasonal ale. Of course, I stick to what I know - Fuller's London Pride (4.1%) .

If you're crawling the streets of Oxford, this pub should be in the top 10. If it's raining, don't expect a seat.